Lou Shields

 

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TRIVIA

 

BEER - Now cheaper than gas - DRINK, Don't Drive.


Wouldn't you know it; brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.


Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may no be able to tell the difference.


Thought for the day:  OPEC sells oil for $136.00 a barrel.  OPEC nations by U. S. grain at $7.00 a bushel.  Solution; sell grain for $50.00 a bushel.  Can't buy it; tough, eat your oil.  Ought to go well with a nice thick grilled filet of camel butt!


Bumper sticker of the year Award - If you can read this; thank a teacher and since it's in English, thank a soldier!


Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school but they can in prison????


Why do I have to swear on a Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed outside????


Rules for Chocolate

- If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands YOU ARE EATING IT TOO SLOWLY!

- Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and strawberries all count as fruit so EAT AS MANY AS YOU WANT!

- The problem:  How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in a hot car.  The solution:  EAT IT ALL IN THE PARKING LOT!

- Diet tip:  Eat a chocolate bar before each meal.  IT WILL TAKE THE EDGE OFF YOUR APPETITE AND YOU WILL EAT LESS!

- A nice box of chocolate can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place.  ISN'T THAT HANDY?

- If you can't eat all of your chocolate it will keep in the freezer; but if you can't eat all of your chocolate WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?

- Money talks; CHOCOLATE SINGS!

- If you can eat an equal amount of dark and white chocolate ISN'T THAT A BALANCED DIET?

- If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control top panty hose; AN ENTIRE GARMENT INDUSTRY WOULD BE DEVASTATED!

- Chocolate has many preservatives; PRESERVATIVES MAKE YOU LOOK YOUNGER!

- WHY IS THERE NO SUCH ORGANIZATION AS CHOCOHOLICS; because no one would join!

- Put "EAT CHOCOLATE" at the top of your list of 'THINGS TO DO TODAY'!  That way you'll get at least one thing on your list done.

- We aren't meant to deal with life alone, WHERE'S THE CHOCOLATE?


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